May 4, 2010
Sometimes You Just Don’t Have Words
I’ve always considered myself to be a nice, well-rounded, honest, trustworthy, and friendly person overall. I rarely get into arguements. I tend to keep to myself and not voice my opinion, even when I know something is wrong. However, one thing that I tend to do is focus on the negative, and shove things and people away that I think there’s no reason for me to help, or nothing I can do. All I truly have, at least over the internet and phone, is words.
Words are powerful things, as I’ve been learning since a small child. All of us learn this. It’s just how we use our words that brings them more into focus. Many people in this world are sensitive, some more than others. This is another one of my problems. Communication, and forming the words. I, like most people, have this innate fear that I will say something that will make people like me less. So, most of the time, while I want to say something, I don’t. I tend to just say, “yeah, okay.” or “Indeed.” or “I understand.” to somethings where I actually don’t agree or don’t understand. I feel as though I’m walking on eggshells.
Recently, I’ve come to understand that my lack of communication is a huge problem. It’s cost me a few friendships, some relationships, and caused me more stress than I should really have. Truth be told, I hold many things back. I don’t want to bore or depress anyone with the sort of things that have happened in my life. I don’t want to annoy people with that sort. No, that was the old Al. That was the Al who used to really be emotional, and essentially cry out for attention, as best as I could by playing victim. I got over that and grew up. Now, I’m seeing things from another perspective. One I never even knew existed until now. It’s as if, as some people may say, I’ve found God.
Maybe I have. Maybe it is his design, his will, his interference that is teaching me, or it’s something else, like another reason that I just don’t have words for. In any case, whatever the driving force is, I’ve made some realizations, and understandings. I don’t have to voice my opinion if I don’t want to, but instead, if I see someone struggling, someone having trouble, I should extend my hand out and be more of a supporting figure. My ignorance has gone too far, and only now do I realize too late, that instead of turning my back, I should have offered my hand.
Words are powerful. Sometimes, I have a hard time conveying them, and saying how I feel because I am afraid of what the other person may do. Perhaps it’s time I stopped, and started opening myself up more and more to the people I care about. I’ve been working on the negative side of myself and focusing more on the positive. I only hope that I can voice this to others on my facebook and twitter and help them be as positive as they can be, even if their day is going bad. I suppose, that’s the other reason I tend to be such a goof, and post videos and music. I only hope everyone enjoys it as much as I do.
Aside from that, it’s keeping an open mind that has made me able to accept so much. I don’t turn a blind eye to everything, but I’ve always believed that people should have the right to express their views and beliefs without too much negative criticism, stereotyping, or bigotry.
In short, for those who are like, tl;dr and such. Communication is a problem that many of us have troubles with, and at some point in our lives we have to deal with it and face the facts. We can’t continue to dwell on it, we have to move forward and understand that we’ve made an error. Only when we realize that we’ve made a mistake is when we need to learn how to correct it. That said, more people need to be positive to themselves and each other and not be so closed minded.
I tend to ramble, but maybe someone out there understood what I’m trying to convey.
sillermoon said,
May 4, 2010 at 8:19 PM
Reminds me of the old quote, paraphrased “I’d rather be silent and be thought a fool, than open my mouth and have there be no doubt.” I am a better listener than a speaker, and I express myself better in writing than via speech. The issue with interpersonal relationships is that to build them, you have to expose yourself a bit. You have to stick your neck out of your shell and meet the other turtles. Sometimes the other turtles are not very nice, and your trust is violated. That makes you want to hide again. At least, that’s how it is for me. As I got older I realized that the risk was worth the rewards (the reward being friendship) but holing up and being alone was not worth the safety of my trust.
That said, it is not easy to have an epiphany such as this one. You will not become a social butterfly overnight. Start slowly by opening up to people with similar personalities or interests. You may be surprised at how friendships can grow over time. In the meantime, using twitter and blogs and other social media is a good way to practice expressing yourself.
My parents always thought I was strange because I would sit in the car alone with them, deep in thought, saying nothing. “You are so quiet!” I am still quiet, but I use that skill to listen and think about things before I speak.
K Kouki S said,
May 4, 2010 at 9:54 PM
Yeah, I get it a lot. So many people say I’m so quiet but then once I get to know them and I’m far more comfortable with them they tell me I’m outspoken. Basically, I’m working on it and becoming a bit more sociable thanks to twitter mostly and the occasional comments on blogs.
anexxia said,
May 6, 2010 at 2:36 PM
I think most of the problems that occur in RL and in guild forums are communication problems. Very thoughtful post. It’s hard to speak up and have meaningful discussion, especially over the Interwebs.